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Separate to live

I'm not sure where this is going to go, but I'll try to be honest.

Being in a co-dependant relationship is never healthy.  When someone is silmutaneously needing you to survive and abusive to you, you have a choice.  Continue with the support and suffer the abuse, or not.

I 'm choosing not.

The support will continue but the dream of closeness, of understanding each other, of a warm and cuddly relationship has died.  Why did it take so long to see it?

The odd thing is that I understand her better now.  With the coolness of distance, I can see her effort, I can sense her (mis)understanding of events that cause her to lash out, to be angry, to be cruel.

I've been the same
I can still be the same.

The habits don't die easily, believe me.

The sound of a particular ringtone can escalate my heart rate to an abnormal, pounding pace.
I scan the face of the one dearest to me as he deals with an angry, emotional young woman on the other end of the phone, dread in my heart, sweat on my brow.

Often, I take the phone from him, and act as translator between the two of them, what she needs, what he's said, what she's heard.

It is like being a crises negotiator who specializes in bomb diffusing.  Only without any accolades. Let's face it, who would do this without accolades?

So calm and clinical and removed is my choice, and my only option right now.

I'd ask for prayers.

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